Its scary to be a kid

For the last 10 years, I have been stuck in a vacuum of diapers and bottles and preschool programs, first steps and first teeth and big girl beds, etc. These all-consuming tasks that seem to take up every waking minute I have (and often those I don't have) render me guilty of sometimes overlooking those grade school troubles that often fly under the radar. Often, especially when a child is so self-sufficient at an early age, its easy for them to be pushed to the back of the pack when there's a stream of little siblings vying for your attention. After all, she can take her own shower, brush her teeth and fold her laundry. He can tie his shoes, get dressed and make his own breakfast. They assert their independence in many little (and sometimes big) ways. "MOOOOOOM! You're embarrassing me!!" Tim and I were in for a real treat when we realized that we became "lame" before they were even 10.... Seriously??

I never feel at any point like I "have it all together." On the contrary, I usually feel like our daily life is a teeter-totter. Its never prefectly balanced. If I've taken the kids to the park, hosted their friends for lunch and swimming or met up with friends or family for the afternoon - you can tell. The laundry's 5 loads (or 15) deep, the dishwasher needs to be emptied and you could easily wipe "DUST ME" on my console table. I like to think (or desperately hope) that its akin to a balanced diet as in

Its what you eat in a week versus a day that really counts. Just as there are those moments that stop you on a dime, slapping you in the face and telling you "Wake Up!! Pay attention to what's important here!!" there are also those moments that tell you , "Settle down, you're doing a good job. They get it." Finley had an especially rough night a couple nights ago - apparently she decided her bangs were in immediate need of an emergency trim right at the moment Tim was trying to get the baby in bed and I was ironing her patches on her new Daisy smock. (Let me just say I have NEVER had a child cut their own hair before. Never.) Thank the Lord she went with a smallish patch and not too hideously short. There was hope. I fixed them and she looked in the mirror. . . Only to promptly burst into tears (and when I say tears, I mean a high pitched shrieking reminiscent of Darryl Hannah in Splash.) at which point she began gasping, crying harder and screeching over and over "I look so weird! I look so weird!" Now at this point I did what any good mother would do - I called in reinforcements. After a stern talk telling the other kids verbatim what I expected them to say and reminding them not to smile or laugh, I brought in her brothers and sister. They gushed and told her how beautiful she looked and all seemed to be okay.
I continued to put the Daisy patches on the vest and a few minutes later Carter came in to see Finley again. My almost 7 year old presented his little sister with a container of playdough, his favorite pencil and his $2 from the tooth fairy to make her feel better. His most prized possessions.... and a card . . .


which reads: "You have 100 friends. You are the best out of all of them and you are the best in the whole world."




Apparently the front was softening the blow for the back of the card, which reads: "Your fish died. I'm really sorry."

And there you have it. They get it. It was funny, but so sweet and innocent in a 7 year old boy way. He used what he had to show his sister he cared and tried to make her feel better. Of course, it caused a whole new wave of tears (aka shrieking) and a "burial at sea" for Red Billy (I feel ashamed I never knew his name until his passing...)

Dear Mean Girl at the library,
I am sure you are really a nice little girl with a mom who would be mortified at your behavior had she put down her cell phone and/or latte long enough to hear your words. That being said... I don't like you. Not at all. Not. At. ALL!!!
As I sit here writing this I fear smoke may actually be coming out my ears, you have awakened the mama lion in me and you messed with my child. Grrrr!!! My sweet three year old child who loves people, tells every stranger in the grocery store her baby sister's name, that she loves tank tops and that we are going to Disney World this year. My Finley who may talk incessantly, but always has something nice to say. Tell me mean girl, what would have been the harm of just smiling politely at her and saying hi back? Instead you proceeded to tell her that you were not her friend, and that your friends who were with you, were not her friends either. And then, in case she was not clear on the situation, you listed all your friends not present who were also not her friends. And with a wave of your hand and the arrival of one of your many friends, you so kindly asked her to just "get away so I can visit with my friend." And I her mom, had to watch her sweet little face crumple and her perfect doe eyes instantly fill with tears as she asked to please go home and said "I don't ever want to come back here." I had to be the one to tell her that you were not being a nice person! Unfortunately, I couldn't come up with a good enough answer as to why you didn't want to be her friend. But whatever the reason, you're the one who lost out today!
So like I said you're just a kid, probably from a decent family, but today you have made me very MAD!! Is it too much to ask that my sweet little girl believes a bit longer that people are nice and all kids are friends?? You, mean library girl, are on my shit list today!! Nuff said.

Eliminate food dyes, artificial flavors and preservatives for healthy happy kids

Eliminate food dyes, artificial flavors and preservatives for healthy happy kids

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The pecking order

I think one of the most difficult things about having a big family, or should I say being part of a big family, is finding your place. The oldest gets the most privileges and can do the most for themselves. The youngest gets the most of mom and dad's attention because they need the most care. The toddlers get the most praise because they are constantly achieving new things. But what about that age where nothing new is really happening? What happens then? This is when the "pecking order" becomes very obvious. The other day Finley started sobbing in the car. I hadn't heard what Carter said to her, but by the intensity of her wailing, you'd think it was the most horrible, unimaginable thing ever. When she finally calmed down enough to get the words out, here's what she said . . . "Am I'm the boss of Scout? Carter said I'm not the boss of Scout!" This was what had shook her little almost 3-year-old self to the core. The fear that she was not in fact in charge of someone. To think she might be the lowest of the low men on the totem pole. Horror of horrors!! So I of course explained, as any mother of many children would do that Daddy and I were the big bosses, Piper was the boss of Trace, Trace was the boss of Carter and so on. So yes, she was the boss of Scout. Obviously I say this tongue in cheek, because I want each child to respect to his/her siblings and them all to exist in harmony as equally important and contributing members of this family. (I'm still waiting for the harmony part!) But I do think that there's nothing wrong with a pecking order - that is life. My mom tells the kids all the time that they have to listen because mom is the boss, and that will never change. They of course get a real kick out of it when Nana tells them that she is still the boss of me. And her mom is still the boss of her, etc. Let's face it, there's always someone we answer to, whether its God, our parents, our employer, our children or the authorities. I don't think its a bad thing, it makes us more conscientious of how we behave and often motivates us to be better at what we do. I tell Piper all the time, if you wouldn't be proud to have me hear about something you say or do, that's probably an indication that you shouldn't be doing or saying it. Hey, I'm 32 years old and I still appreciate my Mom's approval. No, I don't need it, but I still like to know that my mom is proud of me. I don't think that will ever change. I know my kids seek that same approval from Tim and I. We have witnessed a good deal of looking for attention from the other kids since Scout's arrival, and we try to reiterate that negative attention is not better than no attention at all. However, I try to be sympathetic to the fact that sometimes being part of a big family means it's easier to get lost in the shuffle when life gets hectic. I know when Finley starts telling me stories about her teacher and the kids in her class that she might need a little extra attention from me, considering she doesn't actually have a teacher or even go to school yet. So I play along, and aske her if she had a good day at school. And for now I'll let her be the boss of Scout . . .