My Funny Valentine

The other day I was brushing Finley's hair and she started the normal whimpering (before the comb actually even touched her hair.) She is in the process of growing her hair soooooo long (just like Caroline, who happens to be the 4-year-old president of the "BFF Club" at preschool. Seriously ????) But to avoid any confusion - she is only growing her back hair, not her front hair, which others may call bangs. We haven't quite reached her her shoulders yet. So anyhow, I started to tell her how you get more tangles when your hair is long, and I remember not liking when Nana combed my hair as a kid. She said, "Oh, Nana combed your hair because she was your mom?" Yes, I tell her. Then she said Papa must have given me lots of gum because he was my dad. I told her not so, he didn't give out a lot of gum when I was a kid. Then I leaned in and told her that he must give her lots of gum because he really loves her. "Oh Mom, don't worry, he really loves you too," she said. (Melt my heart!!!)
Back to the hair brushing, at which point she asks the regular daily question,
Finley: "Isn't I'm getting such wong (long) hair??"
Mom: "Yes Finley, you are."
Mom: "Did you know that when I was little, my hair was all the way down to here?" (I point to mid-back.)
Finley: "You mean down your back?"
Mom: "Yep"
Finley: "Ooooh, (pause) well, mine's still longer."

Dear Mean Girl at the library,
I am sure you are really a nice little girl with a mom who would be mortified at your behavior had she put down her cell phone and/or latte long enough to hear your words. That being said... I don't like you. Not at all. Not. At. ALL!!!
As I sit here writing this I fear smoke may actually be coming out my ears, you have awakened the mama lion in me and you messed with my child. Grrrr!!! My sweet three year old child who loves people, tells every stranger in the grocery store her baby sister's name, that she loves tank tops and that we are going to Disney World this year. My Finley who may talk incessantly, but always has something nice to say. Tell me mean girl, what would have been the harm of just smiling politely at her and saying hi back? Instead you proceeded to tell her that you were not her friend, and that your friends who were with you, were not her friends either. And then, in case she was not clear on the situation, you listed all your friends not present who were also not her friends. And with a wave of your hand and the arrival of one of your many friends, you so kindly asked her to just "get away so I can visit with my friend." And I her mom, had to watch her sweet little face crumple and her perfect doe eyes instantly fill with tears as she asked to please go home and said "I don't ever want to come back here." I had to be the one to tell her that you were not being a nice person! Unfortunately, I couldn't come up with a good enough answer as to why you didn't want to be her friend. But whatever the reason, you're the one who lost out today!
So like I said you're just a kid, probably from a decent family, but today you have made me very MAD!! Is it too much to ask that my sweet little girl believes a bit longer that people are nice and all kids are friends?? You, mean library girl, are on my shit list today!! Nuff said.

Go with your gut

I was recently included in a group message by a grade school friend who is about to have her first child. She was looking for suggestions on a pediatrician from all her "mom friends" out there in cyberspace.
As I sat there reading the other responses from the other women who either LOVED their pediatrician or were just lukewarm about them, I thought of what I could contribute. I like our doctor. That's about it. He is knowledgeable, he is friendly and listens to my concerns, he has a sense of humor and the kids like him and the nurses there. That being said, I think the wait time is waaaaaay too long when I have made an appointment in advance - would he wait for me in that fun little room if I was running late??? Of course not! I have heard other doctors accuse him of giving out antibiotics like candy and having too many patients to handle. The jury is still out on that one. You may be wondering why in the world I'd entrust my five most precious blessings to someone who I don't fully trust. . . .
The answer to that is that there is no one out there (besides Tim) that I fully trust when it comes to my babies! It is a scary business being a parent - I've heard it likened to your heart walking outside your body, and I'd say that is pretty darn accurate. Suddenly, you love someone so fiercely, and and at the same time spend every waking (and sleeping) moment terrified that they will be hurt by something or someone - or worse yet, hurt by you! God forbid I make the wrong decision in terms of what I think is best for them. Am I being strict enough or too strict? Letting them be kids, or not teaching enough responsibility? Giving them enough activity or overscheduling?
I realized as I read this email today, that as moms, the most powerful tool we have is our gut. My mom used to say that she never really worried about me getting into too much trouble as a kid because I had such a good conscience. That same little voice inside from when I was a kid, is what guides me today. Its that feeling in your stomach that something's just not right. Its how I know when my 9 year old is trying to pull a fast one on me, or when my 3 year old's ickiness has gone past just a regular cold. Its how I know that a certain child needs a little one-on-one mom time or that 2nd grader saying they don't feel good is worried about something at school.
I don't claim to know better than a doctor, but I do believe that my gut feeling rarely leads me astray. I will never put my full trust in a doctor, teacher or anyone when in comes to my child, and that is the advice I would give to any new mom. Do what feels right and what works best for your family. Be an informed mom, do your research, don't be afraid to ask questions. When you don't feel comfortable with the answers you get, ask different questions or different people. After all, you are your child's advocate!! They need to know that you are on their team. That's not to say that things will always turn out perfectly - its a rare night that I go to bed feeling satisfied with everything that happened that day. But like they say, hindsight is 20/20, and hopefully we learn from our mistakes. My mom says nobody ever tells you all the guilt that comes along with being a mom. So true- I like to think that plays a part in keeping me determined to do right by my kids. There's an instruction manual for every petty little thing ever invented, except children. So in the meantime, I'm gonna keep going with my gut!!

New Year, New Decade

Daddy and Scout on Christmas Eve

Uncle Ryan building LEGOS with the boys

Scout is always so amused by Ollie

Piper modeling her pink bday extensions with Auntie De and Dom

Scoutie's 1st Xmas

Can't believe my baby is 9!

Piper carrying Scout down on Xmas morning

Finley's standard Apres-PreK wear

Here we are in 2010, not only a new year, but a new decade. It got me thinking about all that has happened over the last 10 years.

Here's my breakdown

I have been pregnant for 45 out of the 120 months of the decade.

We have used somewhere in the ballpark of 21,600 disposable diapers costing roughly $4,320.

(Based on 5 diapers a day costing 20 cents per diaper) (And yes, I do know about what this does to our landfills and in a moment of eco-weakness made a very unfortunate journey into cloth-diapering which I'd rather not speak of...)

We have lived in 3 different homes.

We have painted 32 rooms.

We have been through an SUV, two minivans and now a Suburban.

We have had 33 well-baby checkups.

I've played for countless hours with Barbies, LEGOS, and Little People.

The tooth fairy has visited our house 11 times.

We have made 4 ER visits with kids.

I had my tonsils taken out (after a winter with a combined total of roughly 24 cases of strep in the family...good times!)

I'd list all the things we've been lucky enough to avoid, but there's not enough wood to knock on here . . .

I've had people email me to make sure I haven't dropped off the face of the earth in light of my blogging absence. I'm here, though I'd much rather be somewhere tropical, given our string of really yucky weather. But in the meantime, I am taking advantage of my cabin fever and organizing like a madwoman. Maybe if I do it now, I'll be so organized that I will be able to spend every waking moment outdoor once it gets nice! Wishful thinking I'm sure, especially since cleaning the house with kids around is like shoveling while its still snowing.

Home is where your story begins

Scoutie is 9 months old today!!

The prettiest little angel in the Christmas band

The cutest goat in the manger

What we wake up to every morning in our bed

We all know that our houses are simply physical structures that are made of tangible pieces - bricks, mortar, insulation, wood, nails, shingles, etc. And we've all heard "home is where the heart is." But rarely do we, or should I say, I , stop to think, really think, about what intangible things make up a home. I started thinking about it a couple nights ago.

When I was newly married, and even more so when Piper was an infant, I spent a lot of time at my parents' house. You men out there may not understand this as well as us womenfolk, but motherhood in the early days can be quite a daunting and confusing task. Its not the basic act of caring for this new life so much as your new role. Suddenly, you are supposed to fit the bill. You will not only care for this baby, but also make it seem like you've got it all together. House clean, check! Grocery shopping done, check! Laundry clean, folded and put away, check! The wonderful aroma of dinner cooking when your husband gets home, you bet! Somehow in the middle of this though, you start wondering how you went from being a little girl to someone else's MOM!! For me, I think I blinked and suddenly I was the one in charge of all the things that my mom used to be in charge of, and let me tell you that is a scary thought!! Nearly nine years later there are still days its a scary thought :) So, anyway, I think thats why I spent a lot of time at my parents' house, because it made ME feel secure, taken care of and like everything was going to be okay even when I wasnt sure what I was supposed to be doing.

Why, you ask, did I start thinking about all this now?? Tim was working late so I took the kids to Nana and Papa's for dinner. No special occasion, no birthday to celebrate, just to be together. Okay, the crockpot full of homemade meatballs and marinara played a little part. Let me rewind just a bit and tell you that my parents moved about a year and a half ago so the house we go to now wasn't the memory making house per se. But it was when I was walking to the freezer in the basement to get another loaf of garlic bread before going home (Nana's great for carryouts) that I had a moment. I realized that even though my mom and dad have lived in this house only a short time, it has their mark on it. It has that "feeling" to it - you know the one where it's like a big hug, a deep breath, a weight lifted off your shoulders.

One of my favorite things in my home is the sign about the doorway that reads, "Home is where your story begins." My sister-in-law gave it to me several years ago, and it's so true. It really doesn't matter where you live, or how long you've lived there. Your memories travel with you. It's how you treat the people you make part of your family, the times you share together. Coming back home, wherever home is at the time, is a great feeling.

I'll probably never have it all together the way my mom did. I'm still scrambling to get lunches into backpacks when the bus is rounding the corner, my daughter ate mac n cheese for breakfast this morning and I was late turning in my kids book order forms. But, those lunches were nutritious and tailored to each child's personal tastes, the mac n cheese was organic, and I read with my kids every day. It is rare that all our shoes make it into the closet at the end of the day, they often have to be located under the chair or couch and you can usually scrounge up a full ziploc baggy of Annie's cheddar bunnies under the seats in our Suburban.

Despite all this chaos, I hope that my own family feels the same way about the home we are making together that I do about the way my parents still provide emotional comfort for me. This time of year is obviously full of Christmas traditions in our home, but we also celebrate two December birthdays. Piper turns 9 on the 14th and Carter will be 5 on the 15th. (How's that for planning???) There are three things that always have to happen on birthdays in our house. Number one, the birthday child picks the dinner meal. Number two, breakfast is ALWAYS the birthday coffee cake which is a gooey concoction of butterscotch pudding mix, cherries and frozen dinner rolls. (A huge challenge for a dye-free fam, but go ahead, challenge me!!) Yummm!!! And finally, the birthday child picks their cake. This sounds simple enough, but is apparent that my children have been spoiled with an abundance of homemade treats. No simple chocolate or vanilla here. Carter has chosen carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and Piper requested a chocolate peppermint ice cream cake. The carrot cake is in the oven for Saturday's celebration and I begin the search for all-natural peppermint ice cream free of the dreaded Red 40 tonight. Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, here I come. I like to think that these simple traditions (complete with the aroma of ginger and cinnamon wafting through the house) will be part of the story I'm beginning for my kids.

Here's hoping that all my friends and family get a chance to come back home this holiday season, wherever home may be. May your holidays be filled with old memories and plenty of time to make new ones.

Tis the season . . .

Tim and the kids before the Bears game they attended

The Kids' Tree

Nana, Dom and Scout

I know I probably say this every year, but this time I REALLY mean it - I can't believe it is already December!! I am in better shape than many years past though, so I can't complain. The halls have been decked (with a lot of "help" from some very eager elves.) The stockings have been hung by the chimney with care. Go with me here, okay. I realize we don't have a chimney. And we're missing a few stockings that somehow didn't make their way back into the tub of Xmas decorations. But, the tree is up and decorated. How long it will stay that way is mystery, though. Scout hasn't taken much of an interest in it yet, but given the fact that she crawls like the Energizer Bunny and is (shakily) starting to cruise along furniture, I think it will be a matter of time.
The kids were very proud to decorate their own "Kids' Tree" in the basement, complete with hot pink glitter ornaments, popsicle stick creations, twinkling multicolor lights and homemade paperchains. This is one good looking tree. Trace is very good at the "cluster method" of decorating in which he hangs several like ornaments on the tip of one poor, wobbly branch of our Charlie Brown Christmas tree. I am fairly certain this method is an offshoot of his father's present wrapping technique, the "consolidation method." What is this, pray tell? Step 1 - Find the largest, most beat-up shipping box from work and bring it home. Step 2. Dump all your wife's presents in there (mixing bowls, shower gel, hat, gloves, it's all good.) 3. If it won't shut, give it a good dose of packing tape. 4. Wrap up that bad boy!
I am admitting before the word leaks out and you are all in shock - I was among the crazies this "Black Friday." Let me just say, it was fun and I would do it again, just to have my shopping done early and get a few deals. However, I will never ever set foot in a Walmart again during Thanksgiving and Christmas. My time in there lasted a whole five minutes, and I left empty-handed. I'm still reeling from the things I saw in there. I felt dirty. We have significantly scaled back on the gift-giving this year, which made shopping that much more pleasant. Instead, we're trying to not just tell, but SHOW the kids that the time spent together looking at Xmas lights, watching a movie, decorating the tree, baking cookies, giving to others and just being together - those are the things that Christmas is about. I think they really get it . . . and in the meantime, I listen to Carter as Max & Ruby is on commercial break. Every "boy" toy that is advertised, he asks Finley, "Can you get me that?" and every girl toy he says, "Fin, I'm gonna get you that." Tis the season . . .

Big Warm Up

Check this out. Watch to the end, and then pay it forward...